Did Peter Parker feel more like he was really Spider-man or did Spider-man feel like he was really Peter Parker? Then I lost all my nails.
I don’t read the comics enough to know, I did watch the cartoon series coming up though. I didn’t really see a sense of loss identity in the cartoons or him identifying with one or the other. I picked Spider-man because he was “normal” before receiving his gifts. He was already a person established here. I was a kid and always could do something extraordinary, I didn’t think it was until I realized other kids didn’t interact with the rest of the world like I did. Oh you guys don’t see all this energy around us? Solid. Well, then I became Spider-man. Through my child years I realized not only did people not see what I saw, humans don’t talk about it- like at all. It’s just not human. Thanks to society muting our abilities, making us think humans are ordinary I grew up thinking that I was anything but human. If I wasn’t human, then what was I? Tough questions for a kid. I was Superman. An alien from another planet, a warrior soul coming back to this world (still could be), but I had a secret identity now. One that could never be revealed because if anyone found out that I wasn’t human again that never ends well for the nonhuman entity. I had a choice: come out with these abilities or hide them behind “normal glasses” hoping people won’t put two and two together and realize what I may have really been. I did this for an extreme amount of time. Christians told me abilities came from the Devil, they neglected to mention John 14-12: “I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me, can do the same miracles I have done, and even greater things than these will you do.” Everyone seems to forget. I wasn’t exactly on the best terms with Jesus/God so yeah. Whatevs.
I met up with a friend and during the course of our conversation Lucifer showed up in the doorway of my healing space for people. I told ya’ll about that blessing oil right- yeah. Let’s just say my friend brought a friend with him and was completely unaware and I couldn’t tell him (for many reasons). Although he and I sat still and mostly just made uncomfortable eye contact about our unhealthy friendship (long story), my spiritual focus was on fighting darkness. My friend eventually left, I had to sage, I even reapplied the oil over my door. My nails had been “mysteriously” and oddly broken from prayers that I was saying for other people (I’ll get to this later). I got in my car and cried on the way to my sisters house. Feeling like I couldn’t go a day without a spiritual battle. I’m aware of the times we are in but for fucks sake can I just something normal? One fucking day. It doesn’t work like that and I still fight invisible battles in and around people they have no idea is going on. That friendship ended, as it was time. I clipped the rest of my beautiful long nails (no exaggeration my nails grow weird quickly and beautifully). I also have very small hands part of why my nails were kept long – so you know, I’d look like I have adult hands. Anyway, nailess and one less friend and I was frustrated with life a bit. Cutting my nails represented starting over, something that I don’t really do. It would seem my hand was forced…yes I totally said that to be dad joke funny.
So am I still Spider-man? I, myself, would argue that they are one in the same, it’s just presenting two sides of the same coin, just at different times. Was Spider-man necessary? If you wanted to live two separate lives, yeah makes total sense. I don’t want to live two separate lives anymore. That shit is exhausting, you start being two separate people and that’s not fun for either, lemme tell you. Just one- one life is good for me where I’m at. I’m not Superman, I’m not an alien (I mean I could be- beside the point). I am a human with what I personally consider very human abilities. Do people really think we’re just “meat bags”? (Thanks Bender from Futurama). I don’t want to be Spider-man. I just want to be me and me happens to have have other senses/abilities most humans aren’t familiar with just yet. I’m Peter Parker, just some kid who got dealt a different hand in life and hoping society can accept that one day….You know what? Fuck that I’m Professor X if I’m choosing people. Oh you didn’t know? I train people with abilities too. That’s a whole other story. I have like a Barney bag of abilities I can pull out of this vessel. I’m still very human though and still very me. Finally.